Post by gabe on Apr 12, 2018 3:09:20 GMT 10
I am curious if this forum is still active, in the sense that Jurriaan still reviews it from time to time. One thing, prior to hearing of Jurriaan's work is that there seemed to my a cycle in my life from Junk Food -> Depression -> Addiction. Except I never could figure out what came first...
A few years ago I started to notice that when I ate junk food (refined carbohydrates) in large quantities, my addictive nature kicked in. It was like my body produced incredably strong urges to "expel" this energy via my preferred outlet. After I followed my addictive drive, I would be tired and depleted, only to run back to junk food to start the process all over again. So I would go from feeling normal, to consuming some junk food in large quantities, which triggered strong urges of my preferred addiction, which then trigger extreme fatigue and tiredness which then triggered my sweet tooth again, to grant me energy to get out of bed. I believe this be a very vicious cycle and one that I have not successfully broken long-term. But because all three of things are in a never-ending loop, I am not certain which one is the cause and which one is the effect, as they both appear to feed on each other.
So far, after struggling for 5 years in this sate, where I may have successful for months at time, followed by states of depression for months at a time, but I am no more near being cured than when I first started. Sure, I have learned valuable information, but I feel stuck. Even worse, is that about a year ago I lost my believe in God, which really anchored me to keep trying. Once that went out the window, I seemingly have lost all my motivation. My marriage, kids, etc... Nothing motivates me anymore. I work my job, do a good job there, but then come home and pretty much waste away. My health, consequently has gone down the tubes, as I no longer find the motivation to be fit and healthy, even though I know that I am suffering the affects of it. I have become an instant gratification junky, but with no compelling reason to change, even though a strong part of me wants to change.
I guess I had no idea how important a role religion played in my life, because now that I no longer believe, I pretty much became a nihilist and I can't seem to break out of that. Keep in mind however, I still hold to general morality, but the idea of delayed gratification vs instant, having lived long periods of my life with both, I can't say which one is better or worse as it all depends on how I feel in any given day/month/year!
*scratches head* anyone been through this? What is the way out? How do you find motivation when you want to have the motivation, but just don't? Can you force it? All my life motivation comes and goes, it may stick for months, maybe a year, but it is always followed by a "WTF, life is pointless" period that lasts months before I somehow, unexpectedly muster some motivation (which I can't explain where it comes from) to climb out of this sh!thole I created in the first place and then start the whole process over again! Am I mad? I feel mad.
This last time, my depression has lasted the longest it ever has and so now I am worried more than I was previously. Not only do I want it to end, but I want to break this cycle and live happily ever after. Ok, yeah, fantasy world. No, but really, I am concerned that this episodes of depression are getting longer and my "relief" from them is getting shorter and so I feel like I am literally falling apart one day at a time. The only two ways I know how to live thus far is instant gratification which brings with it depression and addiction, or white knuckling my addiction and feeling terrible because I can't feed my addiction. It's like a no win and that is the way I view life (which might be faulty?) No matter which way I chose to live, I am depriving myself of something I want. No doubt my problem is a very negative view of the situation. I see the glass as half-empty instead of half-full, but I can't quite figure out how to change me (the ego!!!).
A few years ago I started to notice that when I ate junk food (refined carbohydrates) in large quantities, my addictive nature kicked in. It was like my body produced incredably strong urges to "expel" this energy via my preferred outlet. After I followed my addictive drive, I would be tired and depleted, only to run back to junk food to start the process all over again. So I would go from feeling normal, to consuming some junk food in large quantities, which triggered strong urges of my preferred addiction, which then trigger extreme fatigue and tiredness which then triggered my sweet tooth again, to grant me energy to get out of bed. I believe this be a very vicious cycle and one that I have not successfully broken long-term. But because all three of things are in a never-ending loop, I am not certain which one is the cause and which one is the effect, as they both appear to feed on each other.
So far, after struggling for 5 years in this sate, where I may have successful for months at time, followed by states of depression for months at a time, but I am no more near being cured than when I first started. Sure, I have learned valuable information, but I feel stuck. Even worse, is that about a year ago I lost my believe in God, which really anchored me to keep trying. Once that went out the window, I seemingly have lost all my motivation. My marriage, kids, etc... Nothing motivates me anymore. I work my job, do a good job there, but then come home and pretty much waste away. My health, consequently has gone down the tubes, as I no longer find the motivation to be fit and healthy, even though I know that I am suffering the affects of it. I have become an instant gratification junky, but with no compelling reason to change, even though a strong part of me wants to change.
I guess I had no idea how important a role religion played in my life, because now that I no longer believe, I pretty much became a nihilist and I can't seem to break out of that. Keep in mind however, I still hold to general morality, but the idea of delayed gratification vs instant, having lived long periods of my life with both, I can't say which one is better or worse as it all depends on how I feel in any given day/month/year!
*scratches head* anyone been through this? What is the way out? How do you find motivation when you want to have the motivation, but just don't? Can you force it? All my life motivation comes and goes, it may stick for months, maybe a year, but it is always followed by a "WTF, life is pointless" period that lasts months before I somehow, unexpectedly muster some motivation (which I can't explain where it comes from) to climb out of this sh!thole I created in the first place and then start the whole process over again! Am I mad? I feel mad.
This last time, my depression has lasted the longest it ever has and so now I am worried more than I was previously. Not only do I want it to end, but I want to break this cycle and live happily ever after. Ok, yeah, fantasy world. No, but really, I am concerned that this episodes of depression are getting longer and my "relief" from them is getting shorter and so I feel like I am literally falling apart one day at a time. The only two ways I know how to live thus far is instant gratification which brings with it depression and addiction, or white knuckling my addiction and feeling terrible because I can't feed my addiction. It's like a no win and that is the way I view life (which might be faulty?) No matter which way I chose to live, I am depriving myself of something I want. No doubt my problem is a very negative view of the situation. I see the glass as half-empty instead of half-full, but I can't quite figure out how to change me (the ego!!!).